My Blog

SWISSCASH MY ARS(H)E.. ENOUGH LAAA

Greed will lead the way.

It's a HOAX wake up everyone.. we go through this phase every 3 years or so.

Like Dr.M says "Melayu mudah lupa." (say what you will abt him, but this guy quite smart one laaa..)  exemplary moment "SWISS CASH".

Are you angry at me? it's a free country (well almost). I can say what I want (so long as the police is not interested).

I'm tired of friends calling for appointments, a moment of my time to show the ropes.. I'd love to hang out and meet up with long lost friends so long as you leave the damn RM2.10 swiss cash portfolio that you photocopied & binded at the mamak bookshop and so diligently downloaded from the net from those con artist; in the car. Arrrgh so irritating. kesian pun ada..

Anybody thinking of joining? I recommend you watch "Boiler Room" (good movie)  different idea same ponzi scam.  Cakap pun tak guna so instead of being a Swiss Lamb and losing all your money and friends, here's my advice.. start your own.

Here's how you can start your own SwissCash Mutual Fund which fares better than any S&P rated funds in the world and you can even claim to out do that guy from omaha.. watsizname.. warren buffett (he's only the 2nd most richest guy in the world and the only known investor to avoid the dot.com debacle. Kenapalaaa arwah atuk ngah ((al -fatihah)) aku kat US tak beli share berkshire hathaway masa dia muda2 dulu... sebok jadi gangster kat florida.)

OK here goes..

1) Register a company in some obscure nation like trinidad & tobago, bahamas, cayman island, dominican republic, banana republic, whose financial enforcement is questionable at best. (excuse; tax exemption)

Some local company secretary will help you do this for a fee. Tak yah pergi pun.

2) Get a virtual office in new york (they will even answer phone calls and take messages for a fee of course) Gempak skit address. Now you have mat salleh working for you.. fuyooo.. dasat orang kampung aku...

3) Employ a group of people who can convince others & new ambitious unemployed graduates (no salesman better than the convincing  and the driven) They will start with their family, nenek, atuk, sister in-laws, akak dia punya laki and progress to friends and rich ppl they know.  Seed the good one's with capital to open branches or franchises.

4) Pay them thru commission (no cost unless they bring money in) advertisement not required.. word of mouth and grandfather stories will do the job nicely eg;

" Ahmad dah dapat duit dia setahun...dah kawin baru pun.",

"Che Piah dah beli rolex baru"

"Orang switzerland semua pandai tu pasal semua orang kaya simpan duit kat swiss bank. Jam rolex pun buat kat sana."

Drop names;

"Daim dengan Ananda pun invest. diaorang siap joint account lagi.."

5) Don't tell people what you invest in.. it's A SECRET, bigger than the Coca-cola recipe, more precious than Kentucky 11 herbs and spices. Only assert that this investment is normally available for the mega rich and now it's available to you. Confuse them with elaborate financial instruments, terms, jargon, lingo and that you yourself don't understand (can cut paste from net waaatt). When people asks too many questions..go back to grandfather stories see (4).

An investment secret so privy to you that even you haven't figured it out yet; but that shouldn't stop you from getting your "lamborghini gallardo.. Smack dat.."

6) Make sure you have enough capital to pay off the first few rounds, the longer you last the more principal you can collect. Also save enough to get political asylum or buy a different nationality when you have to run run run...

Come back in 3 years and start over...

Good luck.

Before giving me shit, please note that I was a merchant banker, I graduated top 5% (overall in the US) in the graduating class of my International Finance major which made me an accredited member National Association Of Credit Managers Of America. I also graduated 3rd in my class for my post graduate studies in International Banking and Finance (yes this idiot has a masters degree and none of that online distance learning, life experience degree bullshit.. I actually had to freeze my arse off waiting for a bus to get to my classes) and if you took any similar courses you'd know of the Ponzi scheme chapter, but actually a rational person who failed srp pun tahu bende ni stupid.

I'm also an aspiring poker player, I like to call bluffs but it gets me in trouble sometimes LOL.

Please oh please comment..

POLO SHIRT... YANG Ada big NO 3 tuuu

You know what I'm yapping about rite? Yeah yang ada big polo pony tuu..

Actually I have nothing to write about.. but me n a couple of friends baru created a new game... kira how many people wearing that shirt you see around you or how many minutes can u stay in public without seeing one.

Once, I was at cozy corner having lunch (indemnity: b4 puasa of course) and I counted 8.. such an interesting life I lead. Some were even numbered 9 or 6 but mostly 3 la.. marah jejai kang, polo players sampai 4 aje...

I first saw this shirt some time back on boypiston or foy or fahrizal, I was thinkin bout gettin one until the vomit of people wearing it started mutiplying like hamsters on viagra.

I'm a regular polo shirt guy..  but this new phase malaysians are going thru is ridiculous. Which brings me to the question...

Do malaysians wear that particular shirt because;

a. Everyone else has got one

b. It's nice.

c. So everyone else can see my pony.

d. I have no idea but I noticed it too.

Your feedback is appreciated..

Back to work...

Yes I have to work too..

Well for those who'd like to know how I did in Vegas.. I crapped out on the 1st day after 13 hours of play... I outlasted half the field though and managed to bluff 1 pro; the highlight of my shortlived poker debut hehehe. It was definitely once in a lifetime experience and I was overwhelmed by it all. I had an ESPN moment when I went all in, but my opponent took too long to decide, the camera turned away and focused on action on the table next to me.

I did win some smaller daily tournaments in Treasure Island. I won on the cash table too.. I'm not sure whether I'm trying to convince the readers or myself  "I'm a decent poker player" by telling you that hahaha.

10 days in Vegas is overkill, now I have to find a new place to retire.. even as a hardcore fan of Las Vegas, I can't stand the desert heat in summer. There's too much ongoing construction on the STRIP new hotels, apts, complexes etc etc. dust everywhere, traffic is hell because there's a cone near every sidewalk for no reason and most of the cabs punya a/c macam tak pernah servis.

Farah and I did manage to take our time and fully explore Las Vegas this time around. We watched 4 shows, all by cirque de soleil, these guys with rubber joints are taking over the Vegas entertainment. The tickets were free of course, courtesy of MGM group coz I'm a decent table player. B'fast, lunch and dinner too at their group hotels, but we kept craving for bfast at Wynn's coz sedap gilo.

Overall it was a good break, I probably won't complain so much had I won the world series.. hehe

YAHOOOOO..I'M OFF TO VEGAS..

After 6 gruelling (sp?) hours of battling wits with almost 150 online poker players who can rebuy until the 3rd hour(i didn't).. I'm officially a Pokerstars.com sponsored participant of World Series Of Poker Main Event.. yess the holy grail of texas hold'em..(ben affleck, matt damon and tobey mcguire are amongst the participants last year) USD10,000.00 BUY IN... USD10 MILLION 1ST PRIZE.. MORE THAN USD50 MILLION TOTAL PRIZES (5k participants)... even 250th get 100K I think.. I don't event have to pay a cent except for the USD33 buy in which will soon appear on my credit card statement.. Money well spent I must say..

I get 7 free nites (hope I last this long) plus meals at RIO whr the tourney is held, I get USD2k spending money... now I only have to pay for flite tickets (me n wifey) n shopping funds(wifey) hehe sorry sayang, just had to say it..

Last time I won anything, was an essay competition in 2nd grade..

For those who share my love for poker... read on.. I was short stacked against a strong and tricky opponent in the final table. He had just below 500k against my 160K..during the break..I woke farah up to help give me some moral boost.. 1 hour later we were even. After one solid bluff from me which saw his bet reraised and him folding a hand that would've taken me out, he was down to 90K.. he tried to steal the blinds (all in) with Q7 off when I was holding A6 off pre-flop, I took a deep breath and called. My lucky charm also my better half yelled... "ACE" from behind me and it came on the flop..he failed to catch anything (he needd two pairs or higher to beat me). GAME OVER.. I have all the chips..

I lookd at farah who gave me an equally blank stare.. we both looked at the screen again and it said..

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE QUALIFIED FOR THE 2006 WSOP MAIN EVENT IN LAS VEGAS

Of course we screamed... hug etc etc... 8.00 am malaysia time... I've always told farah.. I would love to play in that tourney... but I wont pay my way.. I'll win it.. 2 years and almost RM2 ribu later I've done it.

I'm still on cloud nine.. my lovin sis ellin sms "gila ke apa, abah mengamuk nanti didi.. jadilah orang malaysia pertama naik roket ke apa..ni orang melayu pertama masuk espn main poker.. tapi good luck la beb hehehe kalau menang jgn lupa kakak.."

I did call my dad who sounded dissapointed "nanti org cakap apalaa, bukan kamu takde duit ishk.. tak abis2, grow up la" but in the end he relented and wishd me luck too..

Hazreek said " I hope u last more than 15 minutes"

Faez said " I knew u always had it in you" dont knw whether to be flatterd ke atau offended.. jk faez hehehe

Jlo yang baru kawin "mad la weii"

Affie n Simon "Sure or not?"

To all my friends... saya tak pandai main bola, tak pandai main hoki, tak pandai main badminton, nak masuk AF dah tua...but if you give me a deck of cards.. hehehe jangan nangis jap lagi dah la, I hope I'll be on ESPN 27th July to 4th August... live coverage worldwide except for some countries (termasuk la malaysia yang mengharamkan judi)..

Hold'em poker its not all about gambling, the tourney will last about 10 hours day for seven days of concentration.. don't tell me thats not stamina. I'm willing to bet I can outlast anyone here kalau bab tak cukup tidur.. I've been up 36 hours straight before and been hospitalised for it too hehe.. If I last all seven days... hehe.. if.. WOWWW pakcik kayoo.. BUT I'm just happy to be in the tourney..

Poker is 50% skill 50% luck.. U need some arrogance, patience (my weakest trait), confidence, guts and a poker face to top it all.. and of course LUCK..

wish me luck.. I'll work on my skills..

P.S. sesapa sini bley give me short course on reading body language wud be much appreciated

BYE BYE MEMEL..

Yesterday we buried memel.. "it's just a cat" some would say.. I disagree!

Memel a.k.a chomel. was a persian with sharp features.. apparently she dropped into farah's house some 16 years ago a sickly cat and refused to leave even when the actual owners came with her sibling to claim her, (the owner agreed to leave memel after seeing the vet bills). she then adopted the family although most of farah's family members had asthma and can't have cats.. she managed to prove them wrong. She has achieved what many cats thought impossible and outsmarting everyone with her feline charms..

memel had a personality of a diva, she was resolute in life, territorial of the house, apprehensive of visitors (human or feline), seeked attention constantly from the household , everyone loved her & she knew it and like all divas she also had suicidal tendecies..

Occasionally she would play a game wit me, she would sit in the middle of my parking the moment I drive up the gate, then I'd have to carry her in...seriously, she would run towards the parking and PARK herself down the moment my car reaches the gate and starts ignoring me.. so I have to leave the car (rain or shine) carry her into the car or the house before I can park. As farah has witnessed a lil "shh shh tepi laa memel" wud not hack it, no amount of honking or blinking my xenons would make her move otherwise... she knew I would never harm her, like run over her when I was not in the mood, it's as if she knew all the threats that i made were empty (screech my tyres.. rev my engine.. race her to the parking.. etc etc.) it was all to no avail.. she would always win. That's why I always refered to her as suicidal. I just simply gave up after awhile.. she knew better..I just got use to it when she's up for playing the "suicidal diva game".. funny thing is, she doesn't do it to anyone else.

Farah once told me.. "Cats are much smarter than dogs, you can teach a dog to do things for you.. a cat teaches you to do things for them".. I totally agree.. memel did teach me a lesson in patience and never giving up (memel has feline leukimia since birth, I'd like to believe she died of old age).. If you are willing to learn, experiences can come from anywhere even from a silly old cat wit only five teeth left....

Memel also went thru midlife crisis some years back, when she started running around the house with of a sudden burst of speed and then she would hit splat on the glass sliding door when she couldn't brake as quick. Kesian memel, I wanted to pay for her therapy. I could go on and on telling stories about memel.. as she was a part of my life.

Tears were shed for you memel, but one thing is for sure... we r goin to miss you and you can never be replaced.. You were much more than just a pet cat to us.. much much more..